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shallownessTitle: Interviews with ‘shippers
Author: shallowness
Fandom: Dark Angel
Rating: PG
Pairing: Max/Alec
Genre: Meta/humour
First posted: April 2005
Summary: A series of interviews canvassing the opinions of Dark Angel characters about the Max/Alec 'ship.
Disclaimer: Don't own or profit, only playing.
Author's Note: Spoilers for the books. Thanks to FridayAngel, Shana and izabelevans for betaing, but I take full responsibility for what follows.
Whilst reading (and probably over-thinking) Dark Angel fanfic, it occurred to me that certain characters display various 'shipper tendencies...
Warning: There's 96.5% of a self-insert here.
This is meant in the spirit of fun.
Interviews with 'shippers
-a transcript-
-by shallowness-
Interview #1 The Fan Artist - Joshua First
Interviewer: Joshua—
Josh: First.
Int: Uh, yes as it happens you are first.
Josh: First. Special. [Chuckles.]
Int: Oh-kay. Could you talk about how you came to be a Max/Alec 'shipper?
Josh: Easy. Want Little Fella to be happy. Alec makes Max come alive. Alec looks after her.
Int: That's succinct. [Pause.] How would you say you contribute to the fandom - other than being the cute doggy little brother comic relief with surprisingly keen insights, of course?
Josh: Art.
Int: What kind of artwork exactly?
Josh: Show you. [Sounds of portfolio being opened, various pieces being examined, etc.]
Int: Some of these are very abstract.
Josh: It’s how I see people. There’s less copyright problems too. Sketchy does photomanips if that’s what you want.
Look, here, Max, when she and Logan weren’t getting busy.
Int: Ugh.
Josh: This is when she and Alec hang out.
Int: Ooh, pretty!
Josh: And Alec - here.
Int: Hmm. Can I offer some concrit? Do you mind? No? Right. I wish you'd been a little more - photographic. I mean, he's very photogenic and - bipedal?
Josh: Sad. Haunted. Conflicted.
Int: Hot. Uh, never mind.
Josh: Working on new picture now. Alec with Max. In studio.
[Sound of footsteps leaving the room.]
Interview #2 The M/L 'shipper who saw sense - Cynthia 'Original Cindy' McEachin
Int: Ms McEachin.
OC: I answer to Original Cindy. Whatchya need her help with?
Int: It's for the interview you agreed to do. I've got a few questions about how you came to be a Max and Alec 'shipper?
OC: Didn't agree to rat out my boo and her boy. What exactly do you wanna to know 'bout them?
And why? Who sent you?
Int: No one sent me. I'm just curious about the matter. For instance, this whole 'her boy' business.
OC: White didn't send you?
Int: Ames White? No, um, you do realize he's dead, don't you? [OC snorts ambiguously.] Was that a trick question? Although, actually, I am interviewing him next.
OC: How dead is he?
Int: I found a medium in the directory, who's going to facilitate for me. I want to get a comprehensive picture of the fandom, you see, and I really would like your input to balance out—
OC: Whatever [EDITED] he spouts? Ok, if you ain't workin' for him, and you swear this isn't gonna be used 'gainst Max, I'll play.
Int: No, I wish her well. Mostly.
Um, so how did you become a Max and Alec 'shipper, then?
OC: Aiight, what it comes down to is Original Cindy wants what's best for her boo. We're tight, she's my sister, OC’s got her back - you hear me? And what she thought she wanted was Logan, that was obvious, you shoulda seen how big her eyes got when she talked 'bout him, like a kid talkin' about a Christmas tree. Never mind that my girl said she didn’t—
Int: [Muttering] I was asking about Max and Alec not Max and—
OC: You wanna hear this or not?
Int: Sorry. Yes.
OC: So they're doing this dance thing, one step forward, two steps back, but Max says they're not like that, then she dies but comes back and OC's thinking, well FINALLY, but turned out there was this virus.
Int: Yeah, I know that part.
OC: Bitch, wasn't it? And OC, she tells Max if what they got is worth it to keep hanging in there, but the girl doesn't wanna hurt Logan. But she's hurting herself all the while. In the meantime our pretty soldier boy - Alec - lands in the Emerald City - and she has to look aftah him. Well, she didn't exactly, but he's always in trouble and she feels kinda responsible. OC always thought she was too harsh 'bout that. Sure, sometimes he was a selfish little jerk, but what more do you expect from a man? But she was always at him, ya know?
Part of it was blamin' him for the virus, for sure. Keepin’ her away from her man. Remindin’ her of Manticore too. But she kept the struggle goin' aiight - and then–
Int: Borrowed Time?
OC: Yeah - you get twelve hours where you can touch your honey and you - you still do that dance, you EAT PASTA, you stare like a fool at— fully clothed— when you could… I. DON'T. THINK. SO.
Int: Exactly.
OC: So I pretend to sympathize, 'cuz she's all miserable, but inside I'm thinking what the [EDITED]? Ya know. Maybe Logan isn't the one, and all that fate stuff is a pile of [EDITED]. And I look around - and I see, all that bickering with Alec - it's always been more like banter. And he's hot, for a guy, and she's hot and even Normal without his glasses could see that there's chemistry there. And suddenly she stops bein' so mean to him - her boy, not Normal, and - well, you seen 'em fightin'?
Int: Yeah, it's cool.
OC: Hot, woulda been my word for it. And they're nearer in age and they’ve got that shared past - but then there's the whole hostage thing that went down in Jam Pony. [Sounds of two pairs of eyes rolling.] Alec gets shot [more eye rolling] and my girl Back-to-the-Future-twos in [even more eye rolling] and Logan Indiana-Jones-he-wishes-in.… Well, don't get me st—[Click. The tape ran out at this point.]
Interview #3 The Breeder - Ames White né Sandeman
Int: May I call you White for the purposes of this interview?
AW: Call me whatever you like, human scum.
Int: At least I have a pulse. Heh, pulse. Um, first I have a couple of messages for you. Shall I read them? [Pause. Sounds of rustling paper.] Actually, I'll just paraphrase, all you need to know is that nobody's that upset you died.
Soooo- Max and Alec...any thoughts?
AW: The transgenics known as X5-452 and X5-494 are involved in a sexual relationship.
Int: Excuse me?
AW: Now, even as we speak they're rutting like animals. He may say it's a summer fling, she
may call it kicking his ass, but I know they're lying. They are lovers.
Int: And the evidence for that would be...? Oh. You know, I really didn't have you down as a smut writer.
AW: I do offer PG-13 alternatives to my NC-17 pieces.
Int: Let's keep to the former in this interview then.
AW: Pussy. [Pause] X5-452 has no junk DNA. Do you realize what that means?
Int: The usual response whenever science is invoked on this show? Confusion.
AW: She is the prefect breeding mare. Of course, it’s a ironic phrase when you consider her feline nature.
Int: She's the pussy, then?!
[Pause.]
AW: My father put in motion a contingency plan so that her immunity to-
Int: Blah blah he spoiled your plan to take over the world. White, that's something you don't have to censor! We know all about it - and the relevance is?
AW: Her traits can be passed on to the next generation. The traitor Renfro made sure that she was put in a breeding program with the most compatible male, the man who was engineered to be her mate - the renegade X5-494.
Int: Cool theory - except they didn't, you know—
AW: Ah, but they did.
Int: Beg to differ. And I bet you like to hear people begging too, don't you?
Hang on! White, are you one of those people who write AU NC-17 fics that take what happens on the show but then have Max going into heat around Alec?
AW: I thought you preferred PG-13 versions.
Int: I'm over 21, thanks. But you do know that Alternate Universe means that it's not canonical. Fun, but not of the canon.
AW: I really have to be going. I'm on a tight schedule.
Int: [Snorts.] You're dead. White? I wanted to say Fe nos'tol! WHITE!
Serena: The next interviewee says she's ready.
Interview #4 One of the very first 'shippers - Elizabeth Renfro.
Int: Renfro, thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Ren: I'm dead, you know.
Int: Yes, but that shouldn't be a problem.
Ren: Really dead. Not Lydecker dead or Zack dead.
Int: Yes, I know, so I'm extra grateful.
Ren: I’m allowing you one question.
Int: [Pause.] What's your role as a 'shipper in DA fandom?
Ren: I'm the one that first placed them together. Designate this? I think you'll find that I did that.
Int: Well, I'd have said that it was TPTB, and there's this interesting theory about Sandeman having meant for-, actually, can I ask you about that?...Renfro? Madame X? Mais si je parle en français? Serena?
Serena: Sorry, she's what we in the trade call a goner.
Interview #5 The Alecphile - Reagan "Normal" Ronald
Int: Normal, thanks for letting me into your office! Um, can I just hold one of those packages and then you tell me to bip, bip, bi— never mind! [Pause.] How do you feel about Max and Alec - together?
Nrml: He's too good for her.
Int: Some would say you have a point.
So, you're not a 'shipper, then?
Nrml: I didn't say that. Do you work for that rag my degenerate sometime employer-
Int: Sketchy? No this is for online publication.
Nrml: And that's so much better.
Int: The question, please...
Nrml: As he is still young, and unable to see clearly what is in his best interests and that
tardy, self-opinionated, ungrateful, attention-grabbing, moody, immature little miss is his choice, I defer to it.
Int: So you'd call yourself a Max/Alec 'shipper?
Nrml: Grudgingly.
Int: Oh-kay.
Nrml: Did you see the cage fight? She hit him in the—
Int: Yeah, but she did warn him.
Nrml: She went overboard and he was far too much of a gentleman to fight as dirtily as some people.
Int: I thought it was more that she took advantage of his surprise.
Nrml: I watched him fight as Monty Cora, many, many times, I even hunted down a bootleg taping of one of his fights, you Max-apologist cyberhack, he let her win and I know it. I have a collection of pictures of him, you know.
Int: Do you? [Sound of a drawer being opened.] My, what a thick file you have!
Nrml: Pictures - a veritable gallery - in the ring, on his bike, at Crash...
Int: Ooh, do you have one with the blue towel?
Nrml: Please feel free to repeat that loudly enough to make sure that everyone who pretends to work here can hear you. [Sound of Interviewer rustling her notes.]
Int: So, what would you say is your role in fandom, Mr Ronald?
Nrml: I would like to be seen as a role model, a shaper of minds, if there were any respect to be found.
Int: King of the world? BNF?
Nrml: But realistically, I suppose I'm an archivist.
Interview # 6 The reluctant 'shipper - Logan Cale
Int: You don't mind if I don't shake your hand? I know you're not wearing latex gloves any more, but it's just a thing I have.
Log: Fine. Shall we begin? I don't know if you'd like some tips on how a cyberjournalist behaves - [laughs] I have some experience in the field.
Int: Oh, we'll muddle through.
Log: Sure. What's your first question?
Int: Do you think you should have died at the end of season 1?
Log: What am I meant to say to that? It’s a pretty personal question. And, in fact, out of the scope of this interview.
Int: Okay, Max and Alec then, it's hard to imagine you 'shipping them.
Log: I wouldn’t if I could. I fought the idea, kicking and—
Int: Heh.
Log: What?
Int: You. Kicking in that exoskeleton. The idea made me snicker.
Log: Your interview technique is so bad.
Int: Sorry. But if you were a reluctant ‘shipper, then that doesn't explain your behavior in the final few episodes or the books. Now there, I was the one kicking and screaming in impotent rage.
Log: Impotent. Interesting you say that. [Quietly.] It's how I felt when I had to admit that she wasn't meant to be with me. Did you see the scene with Alec in Love Among the Runes.
Int: Yeah. Can you explain what was going on in Freak Nation to me?
Log: Max needed me.
Int: No, she didn't.
Log: She wanted me by her side—
Int: And you picked up on that how?
Log: I've always been there for when she needed me. [Snort from Interviewer] I’ve tried. I’ve supported her, and in the finale, I mean her hour of need-
Int: The little woman needed her man and his gun to save the day!
Log: If you're going to be snippy, I don't think that we can continue this.
Int: Fine. Let's try to address this some other way.
Log: Some less hostile way?
Int: How do you explain your behaviour, specifically the handholding, given that, at the time, you were under the impression that Max was with Alec?
Log: She was lying.
Int: And you knew that, because?
[Pause]
Log: She told me.
Int: When?
Log: Afterwards.
Int: You're just saying that so that your head doesn't explode.
Log: Well, how else do you deal with the episode— incident?
Int: Give up. Really let go. Some people use alcohol.
Log: No…Max and I…I'd believed for so long that we could have been happy, that we'd find normality with each other. We needed to believe it.
Int: When did you stop believing?
Log: She told me she’d been lying, but I SAW them, smiling at each other. Smiling! An expression of happiness. And she didn't do that around me.
Int: No, lots of pouting and sighing. That's what she did.
Log: And as we stared at the flag - the Freak Nation flag - it occurred to me that it wasn't my flag, perhaps because I had no character arc toward the end. I mean who cared about Eyes Only? What journey had I taken? I suddenly felt like an outsider, an intruder.
Int: Between Alec and Max?
Log: Well, more the transgenics in general.
Int: Did you feel that she belonged with them in Terminal City?
Log: What you're trying to say is that he'll make her happy in bed or when she's in heat. Or that his ability to get pizza or ride a bike or be able to climb into any building he wants will make her happy.
Int: Isn't making Max happy a good thing, if you say you love her?
Log: I can't agree that he will. A pretty smile doesn’t last very long.
Int: So you probably don't like the fluffy futurefics where they have adorable little tykes with their best features and personality traits? And you're a bitter old— sooooo what would you say is your place in the Dark Angel fandom?
Log: I write those regretful, lyrical pieces where I admit Alec and Max are bound to get together. They're short, because it's hard-
Int: To sustain a sympathetic Logan point of view? I understand.
Log: I'm going to pour myself some wine and you can let yourself out.
Int: Fine. Oh, one final question, do you know what happened to Bling?
Log: He left the fandom.
Int: Ah. Thanks.
Interview #7 The "it's only subtext [if that] in canon" purist - Max Guevara
Int: Hey Max, wanna talk about how you and your boy hooked up?
Max: He's not my boy. And stop talking like that.
Int: He is so your boy.
Max: No he's not.
Int: Do you prefer the word man, then? Or lover? Or mate?
[Sound of Max shifting in seat.]
Max: I’m only here ‘cuz OC said this was a good chance for me to get my version out there. Otherwise I’d be somewhere else.
Int: You can't deny the chemistry. And feline DNA! If you'd gone into heat around him—
Max: Well, I didn't.
Int: What was with that?
Max: They found other ways of making me cheapen my sexuality in season 2.
Int: Still bitter about the burlesque club then? Or were you thinking of McGrabbyLatexHands examining your tats?
Max: They were runes...no! what the hell kind of interview is this?
Int: Have you read some of the heat fics?
Max: Ew, no! What do you think I am? I only read fics that add missing scenes or new perspectives to scenes from the episodes.
Int: Why?
Max: I heard a rumor that my arch-nemesis has been churning out smutty fics. I really don't want to read what that sicko's decided to lay on an unsuspecting world.
Int: Ack, I thought I had almost everyone - do I have to hunt down Deck for an interview now?
Max: I meant White.
Int: Riiight. The arch-nemesis. [Snickers.] Don't you think you're limiting yourself by your choice of fics? There’s a lot of good stuff out there.
Max: No, and that's such a dumb argument, I read what I want to, I’m happy. It’s all good.
Int: But you can be more! [Pause.] Sorry, wrong fandom. Look, it's very simple, Alec is hot, you have chemistry, he's not your brother.
Max: Looks a lot like him.
Int: Of course we wouldn't know if he sounds like Krit or not.
Max: I. Meant. Ben.
Int: Fine. Well, Alec’s got that whole not a psycho thing going for him, unless if you accept Logan's psychopath label, but let's not.
Max: I don't want him...I don't!
Int: You really are a freak then.
Max: Maybe you should be sucking up to him, not interviewing me.
Int: I just, look, I don't get WHY HAVEN'T YOU THROWN YOURSELF AT HIM?
Max: You don't have to shout, I can hear fine.
Int: I picked up the habit when I was watching the show.
Max: Don't yell at the show, it's CANON!
Int: So the stupidity is sacrosanct. Do you believe the books are canon too?
Max: Yep.
Int: Despite the way Kelpy managed to absorb the virus thing?
Max: Yes.
Int: And the whole coming flop?
Max: Yeah.
Int: Even though Alec was described as 'blandly handsome!?'
Max: For real?
Int: Yes.
Max: Huh. Must have missed that part - I read it pretty fast.
Int: Show off.… Do you think Alec's read that yet?
Max: Do his ego good.
Int: Oh come ON.
Max: Hey, whenever I saw White I had to spend most of the time I wasn’t kicking his ass, convincing him I wasn’t sleeping with Alec, then Joshua's all 'Alec's not so bad, look here’s a picture to show ya,' and Joshua paints a lot, then OC tells me it's over with Logan. Next Normal gets on my case - and he's no longer employing me, okay?
But they're all pimping fic, some of it angsty, some of it fluffy and it's all Max/Alec. Then Rafer's weird ass mom hunts me down claiming she's got messages from the other side of the grave to give me, and can I give proof of my age...'cause some of the messages are a little...raunchy, and I don’t even want to read that stuff.
Int: I thought she left in a hurry.
Max: Huh? What do you know about her?
Int: I’m sure she’s the least of your worries.
Max: Yeah. Logan hasn't paged me in a month and I don’t have the time to go over and see him.
Meantime the one reliable thing in my life - Alec screwing up so I can save his ass, and being totally annoying 'bout it - isn't happening.
And now there's this interview which I thought was my chance to have my say about what's going down with Alec and myself - that is, nada - and it's all gone completely sideways and screechy—
Int: Maybe it's a sign.
Max: Pfff.
Int: What if Alec reads that bit about being 'blandly handsome'?
Max: And you think I should give him some loving!?
Int: For the benefit of the tape, I did not put that idea in her head.
Max: You implied it.
Int: I was going to suggest you comforted him, Max, because he would be hurt by the description. It might wound him. Like a bullet.
Max: Whatever.
Int: Oh please, if you're seeing subtext—
Max: In "why haven't you thrown yourself at him?" That’s pretty much text!
Int: I can tell you now that in a few weeks you'll be starting to write a mammoth NC-17 epic with everything thrown in. First there'll be set up, UST, banter, danger, misunderstanding, amped-up UST, a little angst, rain, a confined space, RST, misunderstanding—
Max: Just remembered. Gotta blaze.
Int: Plot bunnies?
Note: It was intended to conduct Interview #8 with Alec McDowell. Unfortunately he could not attend due to other commitments (with Max.)
END
Feedback is welcomed.
Author: shallowness
Fandom: Dark Angel
Rating: PG
Pairing: Max/Alec
Genre: Meta/humour
First posted: April 2005
Summary: A series of interviews canvassing the opinions of Dark Angel characters about the Max/Alec 'ship.
Disclaimer: Don't own or profit, only playing.
Author's Note: Spoilers for the books. Thanks to FridayAngel, Shana and izabelevans for betaing, but I take full responsibility for what follows.
Whilst reading (and probably over-thinking) Dark Angel fanfic, it occurred to me that certain characters display various 'shipper tendencies...
Warning: There's 96.5% of a self-insert here.
This is meant in the spirit of fun.
-a transcript-
-by shallowness-
Interview #1 The Fan Artist - Joshua First
Interviewer: Joshua—
Josh: First.
Int: Uh, yes as it happens you are first.
Josh: First. Special. [Chuckles.]
Int: Oh-kay. Could you talk about how you came to be a Max/Alec 'shipper?
Josh: Easy. Want Little Fella to be happy. Alec makes Max come alive. Alec looks after her.
Int: That's succinct. [Pause.] How would you say you contribute to the fandom - other than being the cute doggy little brother comic relief with surprisingly keen insights, of course?
Josh: Art.
Int: What kind of artwork exactly?
Josh: Show you. [Sounds of portfolio being opened, various pieces being examined, etc.]
Int: Some of these are very abstract.
Josh: It’s how I see people. There’s less copyright problems too. Sketchy does photomanips if that’s what you want.
Look, here, Max, when she and Logan weren’t getting busy.
Int: Ugh.
Josh: This is when she and Alec hang out.
Int: Ooh, pretty!
Josh: And Alec - here.
Int: Hmm. Can I offer some concrit? Do you mind? No? Right. I wish you'd been a little more - photographic. I mean, he's very photogenic and - bipedal?
Josh: Sad. Haunted. Conflicted.
Int: Hot. Uh, never mind.
Josh: Working on new picture now. Alec with Max. In studio.
[Sound of footsteps leaving the room.]
Interview #2 The M/L 'shipper who saw sense - Cynthia 'Original Cindy' McEachin
Int: Ms McEachin.
OC: I answer to Original Cindy. Whatchya need her help with?
Int: It's for the interview you agreed to do. I've got a few questions about how you came to be a Max and Alec 'shipper?
OC: Didn't agree to rat out my boo and her boy. What exactly do you wanna to know 'bout them?
And why? Who sent you?
Int: No one sent me. I'm just curious about the matter. For instance, this whole 'her boy' business.
OC: White didn't send you?
Int: Ames White? No, um, you do realize he's dead, don't you? [OC snorts ambiguously.] Was that a trick question? Although, actually, I am interviewing him next.
OC: How dead is he?
Int: I found a medium in the directory, who's going to facilitate for me. I want to get a comprehensive picture of the fandom, you see, and I really would like your input to balance out—
OC: Whatever [EDITED] he spouts? Ok, if you ain't workin' for him, and you swear this isn't gonna be used 'gainst Max, I'll play.
Int: No, I wish her well. Mostly.
Um, so how did you become a Max and Alec 'shipper, then?
OC: Aiight, what it comes down to is Original Cindy wants what's best for her boo. We're tight, she's my sister, OC’s got her back - you hear me? And what she thought she wanted was Logan, that was obvious, you shoulda seen how big her eyes got when she talked 'bout him, like a kid talkin' about a Christmas tree. Never mind that my girl said she didn’t—
Int: [Muttering] I was asking about Max and Alec not Max and—
OC: You wanna hear this or not?
Int: Sorry. Yes.
OC: So they're doing this dance thing, one step forward, two steps back, but Max says they're not like that, then she dies but comes back and OC's thinking, well FINALLY, but turned out there was this virus.
Int: Yeah, I know that part.
OC: Bitch, wasn't it? And OC, she tells Max if what they got is worth it to keep hanging in there, but the girl doesn't wanna hurt Logan. But she's hurting herself all the while. In the meantime our pretty soldier boy - Alec - lands in the Emerald City - and she has to look aftah him. Well, she didn't exactly, but he's always in trouble and she feels kinda responsible. OC always thought she was too harsh 'bout that. Sure, sometimes he was a selfish little jerk, but what more do you expect from a man? But she was always at him, ya know?
Part of it was blamin' him for the virus, for sure. Keepin’ her away from her man. Remindin’ her of Manticore too. But she kept the struggle goin' aiight - and then–
Int: Borrowed Time?
OC: Yeah - you get twelve hours where you can touch your honey and you - you still do that dance, you EAT PASTA, you stare like a fool at— fully clothed— when you could… I. DON'T. THINK. SO.
Int: Exactly.
OC: So I pretend to sympathize, 'cuz she's all miserable, but inside I'm thinking what the [EDITED]? Ya know. Maybe Logan isn't the one, and all that fate stuff is a pile of [EDITED]. And I look around - and I see, all that bickering with Alec - it's always been more like banter. And he's hot, for a guy, and she's hot and even Normal without his glasses could see that there's chemistry there. And suddenly she stops bein' so mean to him - her boy, not Normal, and - well, you seen 'em fightin'?
Int: Yeah, it's cool.
OC: Hot, woulda been my word for it. And they're nearer in age and they’ve got that shared past - but then there's the whole hostage thing that went down in Jam Pony. [Sounds of two pairs of eyes rolling.] Alec gets shot [more eye rolling] and my girl Back-to-the-Future-twos in [even more eye rolling] and Logan Indiana-Jones-he-wishes-in.… Well, don't get me st—[Click. The tape ran out at this point.]
Interview #3 The Breeder - Ames White né Sandeman
Int: May I call you White for the purposes of this interview?
AW: Call me whatever you like, human scum.
Int: At least I have a pulse. Heh, pulse. Um, first I have a couple of messages for you. Shall I read them? [Pause. Sounds of rustling paper.] Actually, I'll just paraphrase, all you need to know is that nobody's that upset you died.
Soooo- Max and Alec...any thoughts?
AW: The transgenics known as X5-452 and X5-494 are involved in a sexual relationship.
Int: Excuse me?
AW: Now, even as we speak they're rutting like animals. He may say it's a summer fling, she
may call it kicking his ass, but I know they're lying. They are lovers.
Int: And the evidence for that would be...? Oh. You know, I really didn't have you down as a smut writer.
AW: I do offer PG-13 alternatives to my NC-17 pieces.
Int: Let's keep to the former in this interview then.
AW: Pussy. [Pause] X5-452 has no junk DNA. Do you realize what that means?
Int: The usual response whenever science is invoked on this show? Confusion.
AW: She is the prefect breeding mare. Of course, it’s a ironic phrase when you consider her feline nature.
Int: She's the pussy, then?!
[Pause.]
AW: My father put in motion a contingency plan so that her immunity to-
Int: Blah blah he spoiled your plan to take over the world. White, that's something you don't have to censor! We know all about it - and the relevance is?
AW: Her traits can be passed on to the next generation. The traitor Renfro made sure that she was put in a breeding program with the most compatible male, the man who was engineered to be her mate - the renegade X5-494.
Int: Cool theory - except they didn't, you know—
AW: Ah, but they did.
Int: Beg to differ. And I bet you like to hear people begging too, don't you?
Hang on! White, are you one of those people who write AU NC-17 fics that take what happens on the show but then have Max going into heat around Alec?
AW: I thought you preferred PG-13 versions.
Int: I'm over 21, thanks. But you do know that Alternate Universe means that it's not canonical. Fun, but not of the canon.
AW: I really have to be going. I'm on a tight schedule.
Int: [Snorts.] You're dead. White? I wanted to say Fe nos'tol! WHITE!
Serena: The next interviewee says she's ready.
Interview #4 One of the very first 'shippers - Elizabeth Renfro.
Int: Renfro, thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Ren: I'm dead, you know.
Int: Yes, but that shouldn't be a problem.
Ren: Really dead. Not Lydecker dead or Zack dead.
Int: Yes, I know, so I'm extra grateful.
Ren: I’m allowing you one question.
Int: [Pause.] What's your role as a 'shipper in DA fandom?
Ren: I'm the one that first placed them together. Designate this? I think you'll find that I did that.
Int: Well, I'd have said that it was TPTB, and there's this interesting theory about Sandeman having meant for-, actually, can I ask you about that?...Renfro? Madame X? Mais si je parle en français? Serena?
Serena: Sorry, she's what we in the trade call a goner.
Interview #5 The Alecphile - Reagan "Normal" Ronald
Int: Normal, thanks for letting me into your office! Um, can I just hold one of those packages and then you tell me to bip, bip, bi— never mind! [Pause.] How do you feel about Max and Alec - together?
Nrml: He's too good for her.
Int: Some would say you have a point.
So, you're not a 'shipper, then?
Nrml: I didn't say that. Do you work for that rag my degenerate sometime employer-
Int: Sketchy? No this is for online publication.
Nrml: And that's so much better.
Int: The question, please...
Nrml: As he is still young, and unable to see clearly what is in his best interests and that
tardy, self-opinionated, ungrateful, attention-grabbing, moody, immature little miss is his choice, I defer to it.
Int: So you'd call yourself a Max/Alec 'shipper?
Nrml: Grudgingly.
Int: Oh-kay.
Nrml: Did you see the cage fight? She hit him in the—
Int: Yeah, but she did warn him.
Nrml: She went overboard and he was far too much of a gentleman to fight as dirtily as some people.
Int: I thought it was more that she took advantage of his surprise.
Nrml: I watched him fight as Monty Cora, many, many times, I even hunted down a bootleg taping of one of his fights, you Max-apologist cyberhack, he let her win and I know it. I have a collection of pictures of him, you know.
Int: Do you? [Sound of a drawer being opened.] My, what a thick file you have!
Nrml: Pictures - a veritable gallery - in the ring, on his bike, at Crash...
Int: Ooh, do you have one with the blue towel?
Nrml: Please feel free to repeat that loudly enough to make sure that everyone who pretends to work here can hear you. [Sound of Interviewer rustling her notes.]
Int: So, what would you say is your role in fandom, Mr Ronald?
Nrml: I would like to be seen as a role model, a shaper of minds, if there were any respect to be found.
Int: King of the world? BNF?
Nrml: But realistically, I suppose I'm an archivist.
Interview # 6 The reluctant 'shipper - Logan Cale
Int: You don't mind if I don't shake your hand? I know you're not wearing latex gloves any more, but it's just a thing I have.
Log: Fine. Shall we begin? I don't know if you'd like some tips on how a cyberjournalist behaves - [laughs] I have some experience in the field.
Int: Oh, we'll muddle through.
Log: Sure. What's your first question?
Int: Do you think you should have died at the end of season 1?
Log: What am I meant to say to that? It’s a pretty personal question. And, in fact, out of the scope of this interview.
Int: Okay, Max and Alec then, it's hard to imagine you 'shipping them.
Log: I wouldn’t if I could. I fought the idea, kicking and—
Int: Heh.
Log: What?
Int: You. Kicking in that exoskeleton. The idea made me snicker.
Log: Your interview technique is so bad.
Int: Sorry. But if you were a reluctant ‘shipper, then that doesn't explain your behavior in the final few episodes or the books. Now there, I was the one kicking and screaming in impotent rage.
Log: Impotent. Interesting you say that. [Quietly.] It's how I felt when I had to admit that she wasn't meant to be with me. Did you see the scene with Alec in Love Among the Runes.
Int: Yeah. Can you explain what was going on in Freak Nation to me?
Log: Max needed me.
Int: No, she didn't.
Log: She wanted me by her side—
Int: And you picked up on that how?
Log: I've always been there for when she needed me. [Snort from Interviewer] I’ve tried. I’ve supported her, and in the finale, I mean her hour of need-
Int: The little woman needed her man and his gun to save the day!
Log: If you're going to be snippy, I don't think that we can continue this.
Int: Fine. Let's try to address this some other way.
Log: Some less hostile way?
Int: How do you explain your behaviour, specifically the handholding, given that, at the time, you were under the impression that Max was with Alec?
Log: She was lying.
Int: And you knew that, because?
[Pause]
Log: She told me.
Int: When?
Log: Afterwards.
Int: You're just saying that so that your head doesn't explode.
Log: Well, how else do you deal with the episode— incident?
Int: Give up. Really let go. Some people use alcohol.
Log: No…Max and I…I'd believed for so long that we could have been happy, that we'd find normality with each other. We needed to believe it.
Int: When did you stop believing?
Log: She told me she’d been lying, but I SAW them, smiling at each other. Smiling! An expression of happiness. And she didn't do that around me.
Int: No, lots of pouting and sighing. That's what she did.
Log: And as we stared at the flag - the Freak Nation flag - it occurred to me that it wasn't my flag, perhaps because I had no character arc toward the end. I mean who cared about Eyes Only? What journey had I taken? I suddenly felt like an outsider, an intruder.
Int: Between Alec and Max?
Log: Well, more the transgenics in general.
Int: Did you feel that she belonged with them in Terminal City?
Log: What you're trying to say is that he'll make her happy in bed or when she's in heat. Or that his ability to get pizza or ride a bike or be able to climb into any building he wants will make her happy.
Int: Isn't making Max happy a good thing, if you say you love her?
Log: I can't agree that he will. A pretty smile doesn’t last very long.
Int: So you probably don't like the fluffy futurefics where they have adorable little tykes with their best features and personality traits? And you're a bitter old— sooooo what would you say is your place in the Dark Angel fandom?
Log: I write those regretful, lyrical pieces where I admit Alec and Max are bound to get together. They're short, because it's hard-
Int: To sustain a sympathetic Logan point of view? I understand.
Log: I'm going to pour myself some wine and you can let yourself out.
Int: Fine. Oh, one final question, do you know what happened to Bling?
Log: He left the fandom.
Int: Ah. Thanks.
Interview #7 The "it's only subtext [if that] in canon" purist - Max Guevara
Int: Hey Max, wanna talk about how you and your boy hooked up?
Max: He's not my boy. And stop talking like that.
Int: He is so your boy.
Max: No he's not.
Int: Do you prefer the word man, then? Or lover? Or mate?
[Sound of Max shifting in seat.]
Max: I’m only here ‘cuz OC said this was a good chance for me to get my version out there. Otherwise I’d be somewhere else.
Int: You can't deny the chemistry. And feline DNA! If you'd gone into heat around him—
Max: Well, I didn't.
Int: What was with that?
Max: They found other ways of making me cheapen my sexuality in season 2.
Int: Still bitter about the burlesque club then? Or were you thinking of McGrabbyLatexHands examining your tats?
Max: They were runes...no! what the hell kind of interview is this?
Int: Have you read some of the heat fics?
Max: Ew, no! What do you think I am? I only read fics that add missing scenes or new perspectives to scenes from the episodes.
Int: Why?
Max: I heard a rumor that my arch-nemesis has been churning out smutty fics. I really don't want to read what that sicko's decided to lay on an unsuspecting world.
Int: Ack, I thought I had almost everyone - do I have to hunt down Deck for an interview now?
Max: I meant White.
Int: Riiight. The arch-nemesis. [Snickers.] Don't you think you're limiting yourself by your choice of fics? There’s a lot of good stuff out there.
Max: No, and that's such a dumb argument, I read what I want to, I’m happy. It’s all good.
Int: But you can be more! [Pause.] Sorry, wrong fandom. Look, it's very simple, Alec is hot, you have chemistry, he's not your brother.
Max: Looks a lot like him.
Int: Of course we wouldn't know if he sounds like Krit or not.
Max: I. Meant. Ben.
Int: Fine. Well, Alec’s got that whole not a psycho thing going for him, unless if you accept Logan's psychopath label, but let's not.
Max: I don't want him...I don't!
Int: You really are a freak then.
Max: Maybe you should be sucking up to him, not interviewing me.
Int: I just, look, I don't get WHY HAVEN'T YOU THROWN YOURSELF AT HIM?
Max: You don't have to shout, I can hear fine.
Int: I picked up the habit when I was watching the show.
Max: Don't yell at the show, it's CANON!
Int: So the stupidity is sacrosanct. Do you believe the books are canon too?
Max: Yep.
Int: Despite the way Kelpy managed to absorb the virus thing?
Max: Yes.
Int: And the whole coming flop?
Max: Yeah.
Int: Even though Alec was described as 'blandly handsome!?'
Max: For real?
Int: Yes.
Max: Huh. Must have missed that part - I read it pretty fast.
Int: Show off.… Do you think Alec's read that yet?
Max: Do his ego good.
Int: Oh come ON.
Max: Hey, whenever I saw White I had to spend most of the time I wasn’t kicking his ass, convincing him I wasn’t sleeping with Alec, then Joshua's all 'Alec's not so bad, look here’s a picture to show ya,' and Joshua paints a lot, then OC tells me it's over with Logan. Next Normal gets on my case - and he's no longer employing me, okay?
But they're all pimping fic, some of it angsty, some of it fluffy and it's all Max/Alec. Then Rafer's weird ass mom hunts me down claiming she's got messages from the other side of the grave to give me, and can I give proof of my age...'cause some of the messages are a little...raunchy, and I don’t even want to read that stuff.
Int: I thought she left in a hurry.
Max: Huh? What do you know about her?
Int: I’m sure she’s the least of your worries.
Max: Yeah. Logan hasn't paged me in a month and I don’t have the time to go over and see him.
Meantime the one reliable thing in my life - Alec screwing up so I can save his ass, and being totally annoying 'bout it - isn't happening.
And now there's this interview which I thought was my chance to have my say about what's going down with Alec and myself - that is, nada - and it's all gone completely sideways and screechy—
Int: Maybe it's a sign.
Max: Pfff.
Int: What if Alec reads that bit about being 'blandly handsome'?
Max: And you think I should give him some loving!?
Int: For the benefit of the tape, I did not put that idea in her head.
Max: You implied it.
Int: I was going to suggest you comforted him, Max, because he would be hurt by the description. It might wound him. Like a bullet.
Max: Whatever.
Int: Oh please, if you're seeing subtext—
Max: In "why haven't you thrown yourself at him?" That’s pretty much text!
Int: I can tell you now that in a few weeks you'll be starting to write a mammoth NC-17 epic with everything thrown in. First there'll be set up, UST, banter, danger, misunderstanding, amped-up UST, a little angst, rain, a confined space, RST, misunderstanding—
Max: Just remembered. Gotta blaze.
Int: Plot bunnies?
Note: It was intended to conduct Interview #8 with Alec McDowell. Unfortunately he could not attend due to other commitments (with Max.)
END
Feedback is welcomed.
